THINKING OF YOU
======================================
All day I thought of you
I thought of you all day
From the moment you awoke in the morning
I thought of you all day
From the moment you looked into my eyes
I thought of you all day
From the sound of your voice when you first spoke to me
I thought of you all day
From the sight of your lips how sensuous sweet
I thought of you all day
From the glimpse of your unmatched beauty
I thought of you all day
From the sound of your love and emotion
I thought of you all day
From the moment we parted to start our toil
I thought of you all day
You were there in my heart
I thought of you all day
======================================

TO MY DEAREST FRIEND     


==========================
When you are sad
I will dry your tears,
When you are scared
I will comfort your fears.

When you are worried
I will give you hope,
When you are confused
I will help you cope.

And when you are lost
and can't see the light,
I shall be your beacon
shinning ever so bright.

This is my oath
I pledge until the end,
Why you may ask?
Because you're my friend.
==========================

DECEMBER 15, 2005
ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU, MY ANGEL


===============================================
Caring words, Thoughtful acts, Together times...
These are favorite memories of a loved one.
In the days and weeks that follow,
Perhaps you'll often find
That even long-lost memories
Will slip into your mind,
And suddenly your loved one
Won't seem so far from you...
You'll think of touching stories,
The things you used to do,
And favorite family moments
In which you both took part-
These souvenirs of happy times
Will keep you close in heart.
Until time we meet again.

Precious are memories of times spent together,
Of all that we've shared - how precious, how dear!
For yesterday's memories so precious to me.
For today's joy and gladness and true harmony...
For tomorrow's bright dreams of good things still to be.
And for all of the happiness you've given me...
I will remember you with all my love today, tomorrow, and always.
===============================================

LOST MY BEST FRIEND TO ESOPHAGEAL CANCER
===============================================================

My very dear friend Susan was diagnostic with Esophageal Cancer and passed away after 14 long tormenting months.  I pray that they find a cure for this disease so that no other family has to go through this difficult time.  I watched as this disease, cancer took my friend one day at a time, some days she seemed fine and other days she was struggling with nausea and pain.  I watched as the pain medicine turned my friend into someone I didn't know.  It is hard to watch your loved one suffer and go down hill from the disease, cancer.  She had been in hospital's bed several months until she passed away.  I have a hard time not thinking about all the suffering she did but I am trying to focus on all the good memories and the fun we had together.  It took part of my soul when she passed away.  I am just here to feel all this horrible feeling of grief and sadness.  

On the day I found out she went to Heaven my world fell apart and it was and will always be the worst day of my life!  Saddened hearts are healed in knowing the pain of life is over.  And the beauty of the soul revealed.  There is no time limit on grief I used to think because everyone told me with time it would get better but the pain of loosing a loved one will always be there.  She was my whole world.  There isn't a day that passes without my thinking of her.  We just have to learn how to live with the grief and go on because thats what our loved one would want.  I have a lot of bad days and will always cry and miss her but I have the hope of seeing her again and that keeps me going.  I know that God has given me the strength to make it so far, know that He will also give me peace of mind (in his own time).  I know God has shown me (and is still showing me) a lot during my time of grief. 

Susan has been gone over two months now and I am missing her more and more with each passing day.  I miss her so much that some days I feel like I can't breath and the pain is still so fresh.  Some days I feel like it is worse.  I try to hold on to the fact that I will see her again someday.  But I want to see her now, in the flesh, just like it was 3 months ago.  The hurt has gotten worse and the questions as to why someone like Susan would be taken so early in life are asked by me more and more.  My heart is so broken that I don't know that I will ever be the same.  I am having a very hard time healing I just don't know how!  I only pray that I can get over this road so that I can really start to live.  I think the process is a long process but love and hope and faith will see us threw.

This world will be a little sadder, and a little lonelier without her.  The loss of my best friend has caused a long-lasting heartache.  I will keep her memory alive forever... She will always and forever be with me through my tough journey in life.  I love you and miss you dearly Susan more than anything.  We will meet again in heaven and I can't wait... Please be standing at the gates with open arms for me because when I'm with you again, I'll never let you go!  God’s Word is pure and sure, in spite of the devil, in spite of your fear, in spite of everything.  May God bless and comfort you my sweet Angel Susan.  May you rest in peace with the angels shine on my beautiful guardian Angel Susan.  Your spirit, love, and memories will forever remain in my heart today, tomorrow, and always.

Forever yours,
Lan
===============================================================

TO MY DEAREST FRIEND



IF I KNEW
by Tricia Youngson
==============================

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
and certainly there's another chance to say
our "anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow
why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes
you'll surely regret the day,
that you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or
"it's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes
you'll have no regrets about today.
==============================

REMEMBER YOU, MY BEST FRIEND


I SEE YOU CRY 
by Christina Brown
=================================

I see you cry, I cry for you.
I see you hurt it hurts me too.
Everyday as you grow worse,
I die inside, as you get hurt.
I wish that I could help you now,
And save you, but I don’t know how.
So we’ll hold hands, in pain forever.
Until the day we could die together.



NO PERSON IS
EVER TRULY ALONE
by Richard Fife
==============================

No person is ever truly alone.
Those who live no more,
Whom we loved,
Echo still within our thoughts,
Our words, our hearts.
And what they did
And who they were
Becomes a part of all that we are,
Forever.



MEMORY CAN TELL US
ONLY WHAT WE WERE
By Richard Fife
==============================

Memory can tell us only what we were,
In company with those we loved;
It cannot help us find out what each of us,
Alone, must now become.
Yet, no person is really alone;
Those who live no more still echo
Within our thoughts and words,
And what they did has become
Woven into what we are.
==============================

I DO BELIEVE
by Jennifer Janiszewski
=======================

There is nothing I can do,
to make her come back
There are no words I can say,
that can replace her words you long to hear

There are no answer's I can give,
that will satisfy your questions
There is not another soul
I can introduce you to
that will ever replace hers
And, there is no love
I can offer that will ever replace
the love you shared

I can not promise
your broken heart will ever be complete
I will not say it could have been worse
I will not deny it was a tragedy
I will not lie and tell you she will come back
She never really left

I do promise she hears you when you speak
I will say she loves you no matter the distance
I will not deny she is in a better place
And, I will not lie;
she is waiting to greet you someday

She is every you step you take
She is in everything you do
She is the air you breathe
She is every beat of your heart

"She is like the wind.
You can not see her...
but you will always feel her"
========================

IF TOMORROW STARTS
WITHOUT ME 
NOVEMBER 15, 2005     
===================================

When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died
In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.

I thought of all the yesterday,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of wordly things
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were some times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me.

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
===================================

IN LOVING MEMORY OF


===========================================
Please help to research a cure for Esophageal Cancer
or help another life by making your donation to:

Memorial/Honor Online Donation at the link here to:
THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS - M. D. ANDERSON
ESOPHAGEAL CANCER RESEARCH
In Memory of SUSAN  D.  BENDER 

Or by mail with checks payable to:
THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS - M. D. ANDERSON
ESOPHAGEAL CANCER RESEARCH
In Memory of SUSAN  D.  BENDER 
P.O.BOX 4486
Houston, Texas 77210

Or by mail with checks payable to:
ST. MARY'S HOSPITAL FOUNDATION
In Memory of SUSAN  D.  BENDER 
1200 West Walnut
P.O. BOX 98
Rogers, Arkansas 72757
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